Diffrent than my blog, here I just write about my day
---to previous page since the door wont work hereSwitch 2 out sorry to everyoen who bought it who ended up with a fucked screen thats crazy.
To be frank I don't really want to talk about today, I was crying because I hated myself and how I can't get to do anything, my mom yelled at me for it, cried a whole lot more, trying not to keep doing that, yeah. And I guess we had earily dissmisal today from school that happend. I still can't get myself to do anyting I need a schedule and someone to remind me of that schedule and help making it because seemingly can't do anything on my own. Told that to my mom and she "you don't do nothing you're on your phone you choose to do that" i want to bang my head against multiple walls and I hope I get some brain damage from that because that organ is begging to be crushed and ruined.
-All I got for tonight (I stopped myself from rambling about Godot), Jester (finished 10:50pm, yay before 11!!!)
Deltarune today ok got that over with (i am still stuck on the tea cups on the way to spamton neo)
Today was also not too noteable other than 2 things. I was going to blog more today but wasn't able to do so at lunch then felt like shit so I never did. During P.E. we're still playing fucking football which means we're outside which means I get sick for the 15th time this week, but this time I got to go to the councilers office after asking to go inside and I accidentily cried while doing so. Fml I have to do the same tomorrow and friday and get sick all over again since my mom won't let me stay home since "oh its the last month of school get through it!" KILL ME I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE I DONT WANT TO BE SICK EVERYDAY ANYMORE FUCK EVERYTHING.
oh and I had my kinda counciling appointment today I was scared because I forgot to do the worksheets from our last call but it was fine. I was also suggested to use sticky notes to put around my room and when I mentioned drawing a "charecter I like" on them and she loved the idea of that so YIPPEE I NOW HAVE STICKY NOTES WITH GODOT AROUND MY ROOM ENCOURIGING ME TO DO STUFF EHHEHEHE
other than that I am sick again just now and cold and sneezing also my constant tremours are making me think the ground is skaking again wooo...........
OH AND I GOT OFF SCHOOL EARILY SINCE MY SCHOOL DOES THAT SOMETIMES SO NO FUCKING SOCIALS YAY
and I told on of my online friends if she could refer to me with my irl prefered name :3 I was not expecting an almost instant response asking if I'm ok and if something happened (and I mean . yeah I am not the best rn ig) but we talked about it and its all ok now (other than my dysphoria, pain from hearing my birthname and being called a girl, and getting tired or being in the closet for almost 4 years now) YIPPEE :DDDDDD
- idk what else to put here, Jester (finished 11:36pm)
Deltarune tomorrow ig idc anymore.
This should be quick since I can't remember today too well and or nothing was too noteable. Listening to the 3ds menu "music"(noises? ambiance?) while typing this which is nice, I love the 3ds :3 .
Only noteable things about school today were that I preformed my drama project and my socials teacher introduced me to the teacher who runs the school's triva club, not much to say on those.
I got my bulletin set up here, in case I feel like writing an essay about another neat arcade cabinet I come across, of other stuff. Ok I'm getting sick of the 3ds menu sounds switching to.....not gamecube thats fucking creepy.....eh sure I'll take the frutiger aero playlist youtube is also showing me.
People in my school's theatre company added me to a group chat to plan for making a suprise for the people in our company who are graduating, and I only found out now a day before they said to submit our parts since I didn't know about this and I don't use insta (which they contacted me on). I got a lil thing done while crying a bit bc I will miss these people, this was my first year in theatre and I don't know what it would be with like them, I miss them already...:(
I need to still put stuff away that has been laying on my floor for days now.
I don't want to sleep tonight but I also don't want to do anything.
I hate how thin and boney I am.
I wish I can be myself I've been in the closet for almost 4 years now and I want to be out and open but my family will hate me for it. I just want to not live in fear, or at least hear MY name from someone.
I'm fucking sick again from the god forsaken weather and how easily I get sick and this cold ass house.
Shit this wasn't the "quick" entry I thought it would be....I guess to end this on a better note I'm more modivated to work on this than ever? I made a list of kinda exactly tells what I want for each main page.
- might ask a close online friend if she can call me my actual name tomorrow, Jester (finished 11:43pm)
This might be a shorter entry because call me 2012 bc the whole day is a blur . or would my shitty joke be call me will wood bc the whole day is a blur.. oh right the asthma attack that landed me in the school's office that happened ig. Sighhh why can't my inhaler just work.
Other than thatttt uhhhh,,,Mags (cool person who owns the server I'm mainly in/I mod) told me today that my ramblings about one particular ddr cabniet from saturday were really cool and intresting and that made me extremely happy.
hmm i forgot everything about today . I set an alarm to take my advair so I stop forgetting??? Is that noteable. uhhhh I redrew my scedule on my whiteboard since I had it decorated for smth and got to draw lil Godots on it. I had a socials sub today thank GOODNESS
I don't know what to write about for today I might as well talk about Godot I have nothing else noteable, It is a lil concerning to me how happy the mere thought of this guy makes me as happy as it does, but I don't mind. It makes me happy. I can be laying in bed giggling thinking of fluffy shit with him and with all the shit that has happened to me this part couple of years, mainly the shit show of 2024, I needed this. And the oc writer in me has made up too much in plot stuff between me and my self insert though to be frank he's just me but in my 30s (stuff I WILL be trying to make some of those in objection.lol) And multiple varients with a few different details. Such as them meeting while trials and tribulations is happing (either at the courtroom or working at the same office), or they knew eachother pre poisoning, one where I blissfuly ignore the fact Godot is in prison, and one where I don't and them interacting after Godot is released, and them just existing. I'm just gay, I'd say im lonely too but it doesn't feel like it with how I am now.
- guess that's all I got tonight, Jester (Godot kisser)(finished at 11:07pm)
I AM LOSING IT I HAVE KNOWN ABOUT TAIKO NO TATSJIN FOR 2 DAYS AND IT HAS CHANGED ME but thats for later in the entry first my mom sucking. This morning we had to go visit my dad who is in assisted and wow I know my mom was tired but venting about it to your kid (me) and making it feel like its his fault and almost crying, when I put my headphones on when she changed to argue with my dad she vented about how no one wants to listen too her.
I get that shes stressed and tired but this all came from me expressing about how I would not like to go to Vegas again because the place gave me a headache (made me overstimulated but she wouldnt want to hear that). She said I need to compromise with what other people want, how about you for once care about how I feel and compromise with me. For once. It would be nice. I was in actual pain while in Vegas. I was scared for my health while in Vegas (I have asthma and Vegas is filled with cig smoke). BUT NO I WOULD HAVE TO GO BECAUSE YOU WANT TO OK FUCK MY WELLBEING. WHY AM I SUPRISED ANYMORE. "OH (DEADNAME) ITS ALWAYS WHAT YOU WANT!!!" GOD FORBID I FEEL OK WHILE DOING SOMETHING.
The three of us then took a walk, or that was before that, I don't remember well, and I said "can we just go around the block? I dont want to get sick again from being out too long."(I get sick and get colds extremely easily) Right after I told her that she took us on a turn farther than the block. When I mentioned it she was mad at me. It was only until I was sneezing quite a bit she angerly said "Lets go back since someone is sneezing."
I wish I had a parent who listened to me for once. I wish the damned fictonal charecter who I see as my parent was actually here, telling me "Ok going there is bad for you", "noted we wont stay out too long", something stupid like that is all I want.
MOVING ON I GOT THE THIRD TAIKO NO TATSJIN GAME FOR 3DS THANK YOU HSHOP THANK YOOUUUU :DDDDDDDD I DONT KNOW ANY JAPANESE BUT IM DOING ALRIGHT!!!! AND I GOT THE DEMO FOR RHYTHM FESTIVAL AND I need to make 70$ now Im opening my comms soon I NEED the full game Im hooked now. Until I make enough Ill have to replay Donderful Everyday and the Fifth Symphony since for some reason those are the only two songs in the demo sigh. BUT on Don the silly the guy the goober I will live for you I will kill for you Ive only known you for 2 days but the war crimes Id do on your behalf will be done proudly.
AND I FINALLY GOT MY BLOG UP HERE!!! Took me ages since I couldnt figure out the code (I mean I got it at some point but my site didnt show it so I was messing with the code for way longer) Shout out to my friend Edge who showed me the some code that worked how I wanted it too I aspire to be as good at html as you are someday damn.
I also got my hair re-died since the red in it was fading and now it is VERY vibrant :D (I havent bleached my hair so I just get the colour in and keep it till it fades)
Oh and my mom gave me a massive greek flag that she got while helping my uncle get some stuff from his old house that I do not have wall space for so that's neat.
- Happy pride month, I want to put my real chosen name here so bad but internet safety ig, signing off, Ivo :3 (I dont use that name a lot lol). (finished at 11:38pm)
OK! First entry.
Today was a big day, first open house day. People came by while I was staying at my grandma's and WOW it was boring as hell there. And loud with my little sister and little cousin screaming as they played. One of the two living rooms was too close to my cousin and sister playing (my headphones can only cover up so much) and the other right as I went to sit down, my grandma's dog farted right where I was sitting and that shit was unbearable. I ran into the laundry room until my grandma said its ok for me to stay in her room.
And so, I was there from about 11am to 5pm, looking at pictures of Godot from Ace Attorney because dang it I'm too gay for my own good. Believe me that whole time I was yearning HARD. I am somehow genuinely in love with that man, wheather that's for better or for worse. (it's been good for far lol) I'm getting side tracked, but this is tempting me to write more about him here so if anyone is reading this and will keep reading, I'm sorry. I'm still side tracked, carrying on.
After that we went to our local mall (which I'm glad in this day and age of online shopping, is still thriving!!! yay!!!) since my sister had some birthday money of hers to spend. I would have ran off into Hot Topic or the Sunrise Records, I have been trying to save the little I have left of my own money for a con so I hit the arcade insted.
After stupidly losing 5$ and walking a few laps around I got to playing! As in I played Taiko No Tatsujin more times than I'd like to admit and at a level that made me feel embaressed around all the people playing at the hardest level and played one song on the anchient Dance Dance Revolution cabniet at a difficulty too high for me (again due to embaressment) they had which strangly had DDR A3 (and when I got home I spent over an hour trying to identify what kind of exact cabniet it was, it was a generation 1 black j-cab, my 90s-2000s tech obsession knows no bounds I am still thinking of it as i write that at 11:46pm)
Anywho that experience left me now really into Taiko No Tatsujin, I see the KO and KA icons as I listen to songs now and I do hand motions as if I'm playing the game alongside my regualr hand flapping so that's neat, this may become what my cousin (thats my age) calls my Monthly Obsesssions yup this pride month I may just be thinking of sentient drums alongside kissing Godot. Also why is the only offical Taiko No Tatsujin game on the appstore locked behind apple arcade wtf :[ .
Well tomorrow/in 8 minutes as typing will be pride month time to deal with my family's constant complants about it for the entirety of the month wooo.....no wonder I have a happy imaginary world where Dimentio from Super Paper Mario is my dad and he's great and my online family who I may be on break from chatting with rn, I still love you all :] .
-Roxie/Jester/whatever name I want rn tbh i just want to be called my real prefered name but ig not online, signing off. (finished at 11:57pm)